So I’m still breastfeeing Brandt. My goal of 12 months has come and gone and I continue to nurse him twice a day.
Before he was born, I made the commitment to nurse for 1 year. After his arrival I discovered I had very conflicted feelings toward breastfeeding. The decision to continue nursing was a constant emotional battle for me ... I wanted to breastfeed (because I had made that commitment) but I felt trapped, exhausted and anxious. During those first few weeks I never knew how much he was eating, if it was enough. And I was too paranoid to pump bottles. So it was definitely a challenging time in my life. I survived with the help of several lactation consultants and a very helpful breastfeeding support group. You’d think (if you’ve never had a kid) that breastfeeding is easy, "the most natural thing in the world" ... not the case. It can be more difficult for some than others, but it is definitely very emotionally and physically demanding during those first few weeks.
Now Brandt is almost 14 months old, and obviously I was able to reach my initial goal. I feel proud and accomplished for sticking with it. I am not one of those breastfeeding nazi types ... I totally understand that moms have to choose which option works best for their situation. And I respect everyone’s decision.
I am once again conflicted. I enjoy the bond I feel when I nurse Brandt first thing in the morning and right before bed, and it makes me feel like he’s still my baby. Once I 100% wean him I know I will feel a little sadness. But I know an end is near ... because eventhough I will miss his "baby-ness", I would really like my body (and boobs) back.