Seriously

I know I sound like a broken record, but balancing work & family is proving to be quite upsetting. How do you choose between a fulfilling career and being home with your children? If I had the choice, I would want to stay with my kids. I desperately want to be the Mom who's always there, dropping off & picking up, going to activities and helping out with the classroom.

But we need the money, so I can't be that Mom.

I rely heavily on my parents to do the picking up, and the errands, and the after school activities. And I am sad that we can't afford for me to be that person. If I did stay home, we wouldn't have the money to do after school activities or save for family vacations. Or have our car.

And then I think about things like retirement, and saving for the future. I used to have a "career" where I worked for a large company with fabulous benefits & a matching 401K program. I had a good salary, got to travel for work, and genuinely enjoyed my job. Due to a site closure, I got laid off when I was 7 months pregnant with my first baby. Which I was fine with at the time, because Joe was making a very good income in the mortgage industry, so I figured it would be a good transition to stay home with my 1st born and be a SAHM.

Then the mortgage & housing industry collapsed and we were part of a growing number of families struggling to find work and maintain a solid income. We had a savings ... a good savings, so that is what truly saved us for a few years during that time. I took on a part time job working a few evenings a week and that helped out, too.

Then Lillian was born and I stayed home again while she was a baby, not going back to part time employment until she was 15 months old. And since then it's been a constant struggle between working too much and not being available to my family, or not working enough and going "backwards" financially by borrowing from savings.

After all of this I am constantly questioning my role within my family. I want to contribute financially, but I want to be the Mom who's there for her children. And I realize that working outside of the home teaches my children the importance of a good work ethic and earning money to provide for our family. But am I missing out on their childhood ... are they missing out on me?

How do you make it work?

Balancing Act

I've been trying to find a happy medium between working and being with my kids. Struggling to make ends meet on just 1 income isn't something our family can afford right now, so I've been working part time for the past few years to fill in the gaps.

I'm at a point where I strongly dislike my current job and am starting to contemplate what's most important right now. Obviously family is #1 on that list, but I also need to balance my own personal happiness while making sure we can provide for our family.

Choosing to work outside of the home VS needing to work outside of the home. Right now I need to and I don't want to take on a job where I'm miserable. Because it's not worth it.

Trying to find balance when I feel most unbalanced right now.

Paleo - Day One

Yesterday I started eating the Paleo way. Mostly I'm just eliminating processed carbs, grains & dairy (except for eggs). So far it's been a good transition. Here's what my day looked like yesterday:

Breakfast:

• 2 scrambled eggs
• black coffee with honey

Lunch:

• 1/2 steak
• salad (kale, chard, romaine, spinach) with olive oil & seasoning & avocado - I was out of balsamic vinegar which I didn't realize until after I had made the salad.
• 1 apple with sunflower seed butter
• pumpkin seeds

Snack:

• almonds & pumpkin seeds

Dinner:

• 1 apple with sunflower seed butter

I worked last night from 4pm - 9pm so I didn't get home from work until 9:20. By then I knew I wasn't going to make an official dinner, and I actually wasn't all that hungry either so that's why I opted for the apple & sunbutter. I do also realize that I need to incorporate more vegetables ... I'm working on it.

I'm pretty excited about this way of eating because I don't have to measure food or count calories. I just eliminate the processed carbs & grains & dairy and continue to eat lean meats & fish. I haven't felt deprived and hungry like I felt before when I was on a traditional diet.

Although you're not supposed to weigh yourself daily, based on my morning weight yesterday & my morning weight today, I've lost 2.5 pounds. But being female with shifting water weight I know that the scale fluctuates a lot during the day so I'm not overly convinced it was due to one day of eliminating processed foods. Who knows.

And while I might not follow the Paleo diet 100%, I do feel better about eliminating the processed sugars & carbs & grains.

Chocolate Wine

What a winning combination.

Back in Action

I just noticed my last post was over 1 year ago. Occasionally I've thought about blogging, I just haven't made time for it.

But recently, I was reminded that I should focus more on writing because (some) people seem to enjoy reading what I write. So, there you go ... I'm going to try to keep up with this.

Needless to say a lot has happened in the year that I haven't blogged. Here's a quick synopsis:
1. We moved to a bigger house (finally!)
2. I switched jobs, still part time but now with a schedule that is more compatible with being home with my kids.
3. Brandt started kindergarten!
4. Lillian turned 3 and had a painting party at our new house.
5. We went to Disneyland
6. I spent my first night away from my kids. Ever. That's a momentous milestone for sure. Sad & pathetic, but momentous none the less.

I will make a conscious effort to keep up. And if people enjoy reading, thank you. I do appreciate that :)