Last night I finally fell asleep quickly and slept soundly ... with the help of two Tylenol PM's. But at least I was able to sleep. Saturday & Sunday night were horrible nights because I kept tossing and turning ... I had such a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep (sounds like a Lunesta commercial, huh). But I figured my sleep problem was related to my before bed TV watching ... sounds silly, but here's my reasoning:
Saturday night Joe and I decided to watch the most recent two episodes of LOST (because we were a week behind). This show makes me nuts because of all the plot lines and twists and unanswered questions, but I guess that's why I come back for more: I keep hoping everything will be answered eventually. Anyway, we watched two hours of LOST and then went to bed. Not a good plan, considering this show can get your adrenaline flowing with it's suspense and shocking moments. I had a really hard time settling down, and I don't think I actually fell asleep until after 1am.
So I was sure that Sunday night I would just crash, since I didn't sleep well the night before. Then we decided to watch the Desperate Housewives season finale. Crap.
Once again, I couldn't stop thinking about the show. Mostly due to the erie confession by Katherine Mayfair of what really happened to her daughter Dylan. If you haven't seen it, then I won't spoil it for you ... but it's such a sad story. Needless to say, I couldn't get that image out of my head and of course I started thinking about all the "what-if's" that could happen to Brandt. Scares the hell out of me. So yesterday I was pretty tired as well.
Finally, the two Tylenol PM's helped me last night. I feel much better today, but every night I worry that I won't be able to fall asleep.
I've discovered that any sad story (real or fictional) involving children makes me terrified. After having Brandt, I always think of the possible accidents that could happen and I panic. I was never a paranoid or anxious person before, but after having a baby I constantly worry about him and about what could happen. It's nothing irrational, and I think most parents feel the same way, but it definitely puts a whole new perspective on "life".