Thursday, May 29, 2008

Ready, Set ... Don't Go

My friend had her first baby (a boy) Tuesday morning and I went to visit her Wednesday, after she had time to recover from the c-section & anesthesia. Her son, Carter Robert, is very sweet and precious and I wish the best for Lindsey and David - I know they will be great parents.

Being at the hospital brought back so many memories from when I had Brandt. I remember how hard it was, those first few weeks (months). I felt for Lindsey all the feelings I experienced those few days in the hospital. Aside from pain & exhaustion, I remember how clueless I felt ... and scared.

So this got me thinking: Am I ready to do this all over again? Do I want to endure the sleepless nights while also caring for a toddler? Granted I know what to expect the second time around, but I also will have to learn how to care for TWO children instead of one. Things are going very well right now, and now that I feel better about my parenting skills why create new chaos?

Of course this must sound completely selfish, but I'm not saying that I don't ever want to have more children ... I do. And Joe and I have been discussing this lately, because we both want to have another child sooner rather than later. But after holding little Carter I remembered how difficult caring for a newborn is and I really don't know if I'm ready yet.

I'm scared.

1 comment:

Gina said...

Like the new blog format.

Yeah, I think holding a newborn would make me even more terrified than I already am about having another one. I'm definitely not ready. My biggest fear is that Connor will suffer because I'm psychotic and sleep-deprived. The newborns are fine as long as their basic needs are met, but Connor would know if his mother was about to have a mental break....Sigh....I guess I hope that I'll "know" when the time is right.