Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Addicted

Every night before I go to bed I make a choice.  I take a little orange pill and wonder if I will ever be able to stop.  I know how to quit but I'm afraid to start that process.  Will I go through withdrawal symptoms?  Will I get sad, anxious, angry?  Will others notice?  Will I act differently?

Every night I make the choice to take the pill, even though I think about not taking it.  As much as I wonder what will happen if I don't take it, I'm more afraid to find out.

I hate being addicted.

3 comments:

Short and Sweet said...

YOU ARE NOT ADDICTED! You are making a choice to be mentally and emotionally healthy for your sake, your kids' sake, and for Joe's sake. Did you like yourself without that pill? Think of the alternatives.

R. Batty said...

You know I don't often agree with your mom, but she has a valid point here. This isn't really about addiction, it's about doing what you need to do to feel "normal". I know you started taking the meds because you didn't feel "normal" anymore after you had Lillian, so you have good reason to believe that you don't necessarily need those meds to feel normal again. And honestly, you should probably try weaning yourself off to find out whether you need them--maybe you won't notice a difference at all! (Maybe don't tell your fam whether you've started doing it yet or not so you can see whether they really notice a difference in your behavior, or if they're just finding differences in a kind of reverse placebo effect way).

But I think that you also need to be prepared to accept that maybe what you thought was "normal" before actually wasn't, and that you do feel more emotionally balanced now, in which case, you should absolutely talk to a doctor about long-term treatment options. Only you can decide what feels "right" and "normal" to you, but you shouldn't be afraid to do what you have to do to feel that way, for your family and for yourself.

This concludes our episode of "My Two Cents."

730A_ngelinaRabideau0 said...
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