Tuesday, January 12, 2010

How to Be a Crappy Mom

Just ask me, I'm an expert!  My 3 month old won't sleep.  No naps, up every 45 minutes to 1.5 hours at night.  If I weren't taking Celexa I would have broken down well before today.  But today is an official breakdown.

I called the pediatrician's office and the nurse told me to let her cry it out (CIO).  I tried that for one of her naps and she screamed for 30 minutes.  I picked her up, calmed her down, and nursed her to sleep.  I put her down in her crib and she's making noise already and it's only been 10 minutes.  If I rock her to sleep and put her down she's usually up within 30 minutes, sometimes five.  If I try to put her down drowsy so she can put herself to sleep she just gets super pissed off and cries.  She just wants to be held.

And she's super fussy all freaking day long because she's SO TIRED.  She doesn't get the sleep she needs.  And that's my fault.  I really need a break because I feel completely spent.  There's not much more of me left.  I want to feel pretty again, I don't want to always look like I just rolled out of bed.  I want to brush my teeth in the morning, but sadly that's the last thing that usually gets done ... so sometimes it doesn't get done at all until bedtime.  I want to have time to shave my legs.  I want to remember what it feels like to be good at something, because I feel good at nothing right now.  My house is a disaster.  I'm just sitting here crying because my whole body feels too heavy & exhausted to get up and do anything.

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly far ... far, far away from here.


Colleen said...

Do I need to come down there and take you out??? You need to get out of the house, GOOOOOOOOOOOO, pump and leave a bottle!!! Drink a bottle of wine and pass out, Joe can go without sleep for one night, you have been doing it for THREE MONTHS!!!

Email me if you want to chat, me to come, whatever!!!

Thinking about you and pulling for you!!

Colleen said...

How many rooms do your parents have? Let's meet there and have a girls night!!!!!! WINE, movies, crying, laughing!!!! I am up for whatever!!! Rettaroo, you love that I am inviting myself over! :-)

Short and Sweet said...

Karen, Colleen has a great idea about the girl's night but we have to get you to drive up here first! I know that you don't want Brandt to miss school, but if you drive up after school on Tuesday, you can spend two nights here and drive home on Thursday. He'll only miss going to school on Thursday which won't be too bad.
You are a fantastic mother and you aren't doing anything wrong. Lillian has her own agenda right now and she's too young to let us know what it is. Think about coming to Chandler because maybe a change of scenery will do you all good.

Colleen said...

YOU ARE A FANTASTIC MOTHER!!! Don't get inside your own head and second guess yourself!!! I don't want my kids to miss school either. . .I SAY, you leave the kids there and come here-trust me when I say that I am focusing on this because I know EXACTLY how you feel. . .this gives me hope that I am not the only terrible mom out there. Didn't our moms make it look like they had it all together!

Amy said...

I feel like you sometimes. My three month old was sleeping 6 or 7 hours a night and now is back to 3 hours. And he screams and fusses most of the night.

We have all been there. You are a great mom. It will pass

Lindsey Greene said...

I love you and you are a wonderful mom! This too will pass... Lillian, Brandt, and Joe are all lucky to have you. Call me anytime - night or day!

Lisa Humphries said...

Hi Karen,
I have just come across your blog through the Top Mommy Blogs website and this post came to me through your topics because I searched for the word depression.
I have a 5 month old boy Byron and for the first 14 weeks of his life he was much the same as your new daughter by the sounds of it, and I was in much the same state as yourself!
I came across a book called "Save our Sleep" by Tizzie Hall and it was very useful, I used her routine suggestions and her settling techniques and within a week Byron was sleeping 3 times during the day for 2 hours and for 12 hours overnight - he became a much happier baby!
I realise that all babies are different however I think it is always worth sharing the things that work for us in the hope that they may work for others as well.
I also wanted to say thank you for being so open and honest on your site.
I have a blog that you are very welcome to visit anytime: